


Five Second Rule

by automatonBoy



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: 2 second difference AU, F/M, Gen, M/M, Spoilers, goodbye old fic name this ones better, like an awful lot of spoilers, more characters will show up but not for a bit, wait no i can call it five seconds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 22:46:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13600032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/automatonBoy/pseuds/automatonBoy
Summary: The door completes its swing. The smile falls. Lucretia is standing on a stool against Fisher’s tank, clutching a blue book to her chest and staring intently at the open top.--What if the bureau was never founded? What if no memories were ever erased? What if Magnus had opened the door to Lucretia’s room just a few moments earlier?





	1. Magnus and Fisher Play Fetch

**Author's Note:**

> Hey yall  
> So I've had this idea for a while, and 2 months ago I started writing. And then 1 month ago I had chapter one and a good outline for the rest of the chapters. And then I realized there was a waiting list on ao3.... whoops.
> 
> But here I am! And here's this fic, enjoy!

 

It's incredible how much of a difference a few moments can make.

 

Magnus nudged open the door to Lucretia’s room with his elbow, gripping his newest creation in both hands. He noticed how distant Lucretia became these past weeks. Though none of the seven were unaffected by the troubles they currently faced, as the rest of the crew paired off (Barry and Taako forming one pair and Davenport and Merle as another) Lucretia fled inward and retreated to uncharacteristic silence that was unseen after the first few cycles when the crew had finally allowed themselves to grow close. It was in these past weeks Magnus decided he wouldn't let the woman who he considered his sister forget that she wasn't alone in this struggle. 

 

In these past weeks Magnus has hosted two nail painting sessions 

_ ‘You know this color looks great on you’ _ ,

five movie nights 

_ ‘Remember that film we saw from cycle 16?’ ‘Barry and I saw this movie while it was your turn to stay on board. It's terrible, we should mock it together’ _ ,

and made plenty of meals that he brought to her when he saw she hadn't left her room in a while

_ ‘You can't just eat from your pgorp stash; you need food, Luce’ _

He fidgets in his hands a gift he’s been eager to bring her since he first noted her strange behavior. It’s taken him a week of work, but it’s one of the best damn ducks he's made if he says so himself. He smiles as the door swings open. He can’t help it as he thinks of the care he took to make the duck in her likeness. It has her hair with one of her favorite quills sat over where an ear would be, and it wore her IPRE jacket the same way she did along with dashes of color painted across the pockets for the scraps of colorful paper she kept for notes or doodles that struck her suddenly. On the bottom he carved her name alongside a smiley face (He misses her smile).

 

The door completes its swing. The smile falls. Lucretia is standing on a stool against Fisher’s tank, clutching a blue book to her chest and staring intently at the open top. Not… what he was expecting but he can roll with it. 

“That must have been a pretty awful book, huh?” the smile is coming back as he remembers a conversation from several cycles ago, a much happier moment:

_ ‘That-- This can’t be allowed to hurt anyone else’ _

_ ‘What are you suggesting we do? You aren't--’ _

_ ‘No, I  _ **_am_ ** _ saying we should let Fisher take it away forever into the void’ _

_ ‘ _ **_Our dear Fisher?_ ** _ You’d force them to experience the same pain we have?’ _

 

A whole new bit was forming in his head until he saw the expression on her face. There's no way she'd look that guilty over un-existing a trashy novel. The gears in his head clunked as they took a shift to a different train of thought and before he could say anything she spoke, “Magnus, I’m so sorry”, and pushed the book--no, he knows what it is now. That's the journal Davenport got her a few cycles back. She pushed her journal into Fisher’s tank. 

 

Magnus rushed forward, “Fisher, no! Wait!”, arm outstretched and reaching towards them. This wasn’t right. This was so very wrong. Above him Lucretia continues to apologize. He takes another step closer to Fisher--

 

~~~

 

Fisher however, is confused. 

 

Lucretia was spending a lot more time with them, which was great! But she was stressed and unhappy, not great. Fisher watched as she dragged a stool to their tank and climbed up. She held a blue book in her arms and hummed them a tune from their home world. Fisher hummed back. She started talking, telling Fisher how it was important that they ate the book and the information inside it. They felt excited despite her nerves. A story! Fisher loves stories.

 

Fisher does not love the look on Magnus’ face when the story is put in their tank. Magnus told them to wait. Lucretia wants them to eat the story. Fisher doesn't like the panic, and opts to instead use a tendril to lob the book to Magnus.

 

~~~

 

It smacks him square in the face as he is a step away from the tank.

 

“Pphhft, ew and ow! Right in the mouth! I can  _ taste _ your pee water, buddy. Thanks, but that was gross.”

 

Magnus shifts his grasp to hold the duck in one arm and Lucretia’s soggy journal on the other and he fixes her a glare.

 

“You won't be getting this,” he raises the arm holding the duck “until you tell me what kind of unauthorized meal you tried to sneak Fisher.”

 

She spoke softly--  _ gods _ , why is she speaking so softly, “At the conservatory, do you remember….” she sighs and begins to hum a quick tune.

 

Magnus blinked. “Uh--” And he remembered 

 

Magnus blinks again and his jar drops. A student had attempted to cheat the system by making a simple, but catchy tune hoping the ‘light of creation’ would also find itself unable to part with its repetitiveness. It hadn’t worked. It was erased. Magnus remembers it. His stunned silence is broken by a soft groan. Magnus  _ remembers _ it.

 

She attempts to deadpan her response, but emotion cracks through her final words, “You’ve joined me in my hell. I’ve had that stuck in my head on and off for decades.” Magnus looks at her, the way her face contorts with her words, how her fists ball up the fabric of her robe, and how she tilts her head in just the way that he knows she does when she's trying to hold back tears. He’s found what's been bothering her.

 

“Lucretia,” he starts, softer than before “what was in this journal?”


	2. For He's a Jolly Good Fellow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *blows party popper* Hip hip hooray it's Davenports birthday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops It's More Words Than I expected

The pgorp stash was uncovered and thoroughly depleted by the time they both felt calm enough to exit Lucretia’s room. There was crying from the both of them as Lucretia came clean and as Magnus told her that she never had to take it upon herself to fix things alone. 

_ ‘I was right. It  _ **_was_ ** _ a shitty book’ _

_ ‘Well, I enjoyed the part where you got the chance to learn a craft outside of duck carving’ _

_ ‘The best part was the plan to leave Merle on a beach and far away from any greenery’ _

 

At first she was reluctant to give a lot of details. Her answers to his questions were simple and clipped. Maybe if she stalled she’d have time to rework her plan? Magnus had ingested some of Fisher’s tank water (or ichor, as she had started to call it in her head) so he would still remember what the others forgot. He’d have to either agree with her or she’d have to keep him away from herself and the others until she had the light reformed into one piece. Thinking of this, she explained to him that Lup and Barry’s plan wasn’t working, that it was taking a toll on everyone. Magnus furrowed his brows a bit at that but had asked her to continue. She told him how it was time to try something else. He nodded.  _ He understood _ , and the relief that rushed through her at the thought came with enough confidence to put her offer on the table.

 

First she elaborated on the effects she discovered Fisher’s kind had and how it was negated by the ichor. How she realised that she could use this to take away the guilt that plagued the crew. His face scrunched further, she hadn't noticed at the time. Instead she kept talking, telling him about how she organized places for them all to stay and live and be  _ happy _ for the first time in months. She gave him an offer. It could be done a lot faster with two sets of hands. 

 

He leaned back, put his hands over his eyes, and barked out a laugh. Not quite bitter but close. “Lucretia,” he started, “you keep talking like you don’t exist. ‘what the relics are doing to all of you’ ‘the guilt you all feel’ ? It sounds to me that you think you're responsible for us,” he continued, though with a lighter tone “ _ I’m  _ the Head of Security here.” 

 

And it was that moment she lost her cool. She had two options: get Magnus on her side, or plan around him. She knew right then that he wasn’t going to agree. And she knew right then that she couldn't bear to try and evade him and tell his family that he was a danger or crazed. She couldn't do it. It was over before she could begin. 

 

After the water works subsided from the two of them (Magnus has always been an empathetic crier), they were able to have a proper talk. And after that, Magnus made her promise that she’d air her grievances about the current plan with the rest of the crew. 

 

Now, post-cry confidence put a vigor in their steps down the hall. But it dwindled to a stutter and a halt at… at that  _ noise _ . Lucretia knows her crew well. She knows that Lup and Barry weren’t the only ones to practice an instrument, so the odd sound of someone trying to find a tune aren’t strange aboard the starblaster. But a trumpet. Only Merle plays the trumpet. And she knows that right around now he and Davenport should still be playing cards and making small talk about the movement of the geomagnetic pole or what one of them could make into a meal (Taako hasn’t cooked since Lup’s left). So the fact that Merle is messing with a trumpet instead of sticking to routine means something is up and currently she can only think of two possibilities: One, Davenport or Barry are acting sad and lethargic so Merle is resorting to some kind of performance to convince them to dance to cheer them up. Or two, Merle himself is feeling sad and lethargic and is putting on a performance to cheer himself up. 

 

Taking a glance at Magnus, he must have come to the same conclusion since his expression is a mirror image of her own. He looks at her, raises his eyebrows, takes in a breath, and pushes open the door to the general hub to face the music.

 

As they walked inside, the trumpet finally carried out its notes into a familiar tune. Happy Birthday. To find the answer to a new question, she first had to peel her eyes away from the sight that was Merle. He was wearing his most unforgettable outfit, the leotard he wore to perform his dance to the ‘light of creation’, and attempting to perform that same dance with one arm occupied by the trumpet. Both performances suffered a good deal when combined at once, but that didn’t seem to bother the Captain, who was curled into himself on the closest couch to Merle’s show and quietly shaking.  _ He’s sobbing, _ a guilty part of her mind started, but no, she knew that Davenports laugh when pushed to the extreme became silent but shook his whole body. The abandoned set of cards next to a well drained bottle of wine from Capn’port’s Special Occasion Selection along with the observation that no other member of the crew was present, lead to the easy assumption that Davenport’s birthday is  _ today _ .

 

Throughout their travels, the crew celebrated any and all occasions they could think of during the quiet years when the light landed on an inactive planet. It was Magnus first who asked Taako for any easy cake recipe he knew so he could celebrate turning twenty two for the upteenth time. And it was Taako who first told Magnus ‘just baking a cake’ was bullshit and he needed a  _ party _ . And it was Davenport who came back the next day with Lup from their trip to retrieve the light who said “Remind me to never tell  _ any _ of you when my birthday is” And he never did. Until, well, now. 

 

The post-cry confidence? Gone. Lucretia turns to Magnus and they share a quick silent conversation. She raises one eyebrow and nods towards the two old men,  _ ‘This… this probably isn’t the best time to reveal the whole “Erasing memories of each other and separating everyone” plan, right?’  _ He responds with a head tilt and grimace that said to her  _ ‘Yeeeaah, no. Bad time.’  _

 

Instead, they walked further into the room, announcing their presence which disrupts Merles playing as he turns from the mouthpiece to greet them with a grin and wave. 

 

Noticing the lack of song, Davenports face appears from where it had been buried in his hands. It’s been awhile since she's seen him so happy. And here she was, close to wiping all this away two hours ago. Before that train of thought could continue, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Happy Birthday Cap’n!” Magnus grins, “We’re gonna whip you up a cake.” And just like that he lead her, brushing past Merle and into the kitchen. “You good?”

 

“Magnus I--” she paused to steady herself, leaning into the counter before pushing herself back up to standing straight. “I can’t use Fisher to add new memories, it can only take. The beach, the ship,” the temporary homes she crafted for them with the remaining scraps of their untainted memories. Merle’s was simple, this planar system was a lot like theirs, he had members of his original clan here and she had already visited with the story of a wanderer with memory problems who belongs to their line. Davenport was an adventurer, if she tried to pin him down he wouldn't last a month before packing and moving on, and she needed around three months to find their scattered artifacts. She bought him a small boat that can be manned solo and tied it to a dock near the Highchurch/Rockseeker clan. But that was all she could do, “they are close but they still have no reason to meet. I know that, I  _ knew  _ that.”

 

“I don’t understand what you mean”

 

“This morning they were both  _ miserable. _ Now Merle’s dancing again and Davenport’s laughing so hard its silent.  _ They _ did that, the two of them being together-- granted with a generous amount of wine-- they made themselves happy. And my idea relied on separating  _ everyone _ .”

 

“Gods Lu, did you forget what a bond was?!”

 

She laughs, slightly crazed “Maybe! Do bonds still exist if a person forgets who they bonded with? We’ve been building them for a hundred years now,”  _ These bonds were the only thing that kept me from giving into the judges. _

 

“Lucretia”

 

“Would the Starblaster even be able to fly?”

 

“Lucretia”

 

“Magnus, what if Lup came back but Taako still didn’t know her? Would she--” Her rant was cut short by the cold feeling of an egg in each of her hands. She looked up at Magnus, dumbfounded. He motioned her to a bowl next to a carton of more eggs on the counter that wasn’t there a moment ago. “Capn’port’s cake needs four eggs. You’re the fastest egg cracker.” 

 

She really was. She tapped both eggs on opposite sides of the bowls rim and broke them both cleanly over the top simultaneously. She grabbed two more and Magnus whisked the carton away as she cracked those as well. He passed her a whisk and a bowl filled with cold butter. She knew this recipe. She cast a cantrip on the butter to melt it and pushed it back to Magnus, then she picked up the whisk and started beating the eggs as he added sugar to the melted butter and mixed with a rubber spatula. 

 

As they continued each step, the monotony of the simple tasks calmed her racing mind. 

 

“So tonight’s not a great night for a team meeting,” Magnus started, after everything was in the oven and the timer set. “Not only is it Davenport’s birthday but Barry and Taako are out on another Lup hunt so it’ll be a few days until they’re back. So you have time to sort through your feelings and stuff and figure out what you want to say. This sucks, a lot. But you still have us, we all have each other.” 

 

He didn’t know it, but she pictured him giving a similar speech years ago when she was alone and struggling to get the bond engine to start. There was grit covering her hands, the dashboard, her face and it felt as though she was full of sand. Stuffed and mushy like a childs plushie.  _ “This sucks, a lot. But we’re still alive in our bonds. Keep living, get the ‘blaster skyworthy, and we’ll be back before you know it” _ Deep breath, more fiddling with wires. A rumble evened to a hum, the engine was running again.

 

Coming back to the present, Lucretia nodded. “Thank you, for being here. Both now and the past month.”

 

"'Course, what friends are for!"

 

\---

 

_ Hours Ago: _

 

_ “What if she’s just gone?” _

 

_ “No. She’s-- It’s weird, but I’d know if she was gone. She’s out there. Probably... found some rebellion that can’t figure out which way to hold a wand and is caught up carrying them to victory.” _

 

_ “Heh, okay yeah. Let’s go find her.” _

 

_ “Now  _ **_that’s_ ** _ the fucking attitude.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy this was not the original plan for this chapter at all. It was me who forgot about Davenports birthday, I was the fool. 
> 
> I also really wasn't expecting to get into Deep Feelings in this fic so... whoops? I never really understood until now why writer say that a certain part of the story just... happened as they wrote. This was supposed to be all goofs! 
> 
> Coming up: How have our investigative boys been doing?


	3. Scan Complete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What have Taako and Barry been up to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Midterms have been killing me. But chapter 3 is up and live!

At first, Taako set down topside to follow his sister the moment he saw the note. He knew-- they all knew where she had gone. In a vague sense at least. But he was around a month of research behind her and going only on blind guessing. So instead of tailing her as planned, he went to the most recent case of cityscape turned obsidian and found nothing. The circle left vacant houses, pubs, and storefronts along its edge. They started to refer it as repelling-- when the havoc caused by their artifacts becomes too much people tend to run away from it en masse instead of towards it. Lucretia coined it, and sadly noted on the irony of people fleeing from where the light touches when they used to flock to it on other planes. For Taako, the town repelling meant that no one was there for him to question. The gauntlet wasn't in the center anymore. Lup wasn't here anymore if she even had been in the first place. 

 

So he hailed the Starblaster. This was going to need take some data collecting and number crunching. He’d need Barry’s help if he was going to have to do some nerd shit to figure this out. Not that he couldn't himself-- he’s a full fledged planar scientist too, thanks! It’s just that with Barry it’ll go a lot faster. 

 

And it was true, it went a lot faster. They set up a system of comparing glassing rates and locations to predict potential points of interest. They split up when they found a lead: Taako handling the arcane signatures and Barry asking around if anyone has seen a lady ‘that looks the elf in the painting’. 

 

The two leaving to chase a lead was becoming so common that neither of them bothered to say anything this particular time. Taako wasn't even sure if anyone noticed them coming back from their last trip down to a ravine north of Neverwinter. He can't help but notice how the ship has taken on a sort of buddy system. Merle and Davenport and then Lucretia and Magnus. Himself and Barry. Everyone was keeping an eye on someone else. He and Barry call each other for an update hourly whenever they split. If he lost Barry too, gods, what would he even do at that point?

 

The last update was a good forty minutes ago. All Barry had to report was that he finally reached the entrance of the nearest town. Taako was hoping the next update would bring better news than what he was currently getting.

 

There was some kind of dungeon east of the Felicity Wilds that gave off suspiciously high arcanic signatures from their scanners while up in the air. It was also pretty close to where the trail of dark glassy circles had recently gone cold. It was the entire reason they came to search this area. And all the scans for the  _ light _ specifically came back negative. 

 

Taako impatiently taps the device in his hands. So maybe the weird demon keep was a bust, but that doesn't mean there can't be  _ something _ along the roads adjacent to it. The general readings of magic spread itself out a good distance from what the scans from the equipment on the Starblaster showed.

 

Gods, this thing takes forever to load. It was the same device Barry and Lup used to find the light as it fell. While incredibly powerful, it can only detect the split portion of the Light inside their individual artifacts when it’s close. So everytime he wants to check for the light specifically and not for any and all magic he has to go there on foot. Another downside was the scanner really doesn’t like having to use a jury-rigged portable power source instead of being hooked directly into the Starblaster.

 

He glances up into the woods off the road. There's plenty of weird holes and outcroppings to hide a gauntlet or a person or a ragtag team of believers who want to inspire change and need a leader... 

No that's bullshit. Magnus would love that, she wouldn't leave him out of a revolution. They always did revolutions together. 

 

Truth be told, he doesn't  _ want _ to think too much about what it is that could be keeping her. She left that note as an “in case I'm not back before the day’s out” excuse. Something is stopping her from not only coming back, but contacting them. Death shouldn't be able to stop her. So if she died, what's the hold up? 

 

He glances down at the loadbar that just barely fills another tick of loading percentage for the several seconds he stares at it.

 

What god holds domain over death here? Nerull might want her for being such a stable lich. The Raven Queen would  _ hate _ her. They've only encountered her emissaries a few times and Barry’s only been tossed in ghost jail once. Her “Reapers” have always been laughable though, Barry let himself be caught because it was the end of the cycle and he was curious. Nah, not death gods.

 

This stupid thing takes casting a level two spell slot to activate and it has the  _ nerve _ to scan slowly.

 

So maybe she didn't die. She could be in a stand-off for her glove. Or maybe a First Monastery situation? That'd be nice. She could have been told to cut contact and do breathing exercises for a year by someone who wants to make sure Lup is chill enough to take the gauntlet. It’s a nice thought.  

 

The last flake fills the loading bar and something new happens. 

 

He’s never seen a successful scan for the light before. Sure, he’s helped his sister or Barry search for the light. But that usually happens when one is down for the count and he’s needed to double check math. And if they’ve both checked out early? Well, for some reason fate has decided so far that if a cycle is already shitty to start, it should end that way too with the Light staying MIA.

 

Instead of the usual sight of light green text announcing “SCAN FAILED”, a map etches itself on screen. Dead center, lines brake outwards and circles create a bullseye pattern of thin lines. Most of the screen stays dark, but a bright green blob in the lower right glows. In silent awe, he spins himself and the device to point to the right. Sure enough, the blob blinks out of the corner and reappears in the center top of the screen.

 

A soft  _ holy shit _ escapes as he fumbles for his stone of farspeech. It’s already ringing before he can dial.

 

_ Click. _

“Taako, she was  _ here. _ ” Barry starts talking the moment he connects and doesn’t stop to take a breath. “The first bar I walked into _ three _ different patrons and a bartender knew her-- recognized the painting. The bartender said she was talking with a  _ Rockseeker _ , Merle’s not-family.” The impact of what he’s saying hits him then. He’s has a fear ever since the first day, that she disappeared into smoke the moment she left the ship like Merle after a parlay. Evidence of her existence sent his heart thudding. “They were here around two and a half weeks ago and had some kind of meeting and left together in your direction. That’s what-- From what I’ve been told. Have you found anything yet?” The desperation at the end is not lost.

 

He opens his mouth to respond and for a moment it feels like nothing will come out. His entire body is tensed to run. It feels like his muscles are screaming for him not to talk, but to run. Run as fast as he can to his sister, his heart. Chase the green blob until it leads him to his family. The eternity passes in a moment and he’s back again. And okay, maybe his voice croaks the first word but the others come out just fine, “Y‘eah, the scan worked, there’s a part of the Light nearby. I’m sending my coordinates but I’m not going to be waiting up for you.” He lowers the stone, expecting the conversation to be done but Barry’s voice rings out again.

 

“Keep me on! Keep the connection going, I’m a days distance out.” Crap, he didn't even think about the distance. Barry won't make it anywhere close in the time it's going to take to check the blob out. 

 

Taako tugs a looped cord on the bottom of the stone meant to slip over a wrist. It pulls out to a more manageable size and he slips it around his neck to hang like a clunky locket. 

 

“Sure thing.” And gives into his muscles and starts to power walk forwards and into the woods.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually cut this chapter short. I had a lot more written but I'm going to be putting it into it's own chapter instead and get his one out now. Of course that now means this chapter's got zero of the goofs I planned for it... I swear this fic was supposed to offer a strict diet of goofs only. 
> 
> As a trade off the next chapter will be an experience of goofs concentrate


	4. Sister Location

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So THAT'S where she was!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised: the goofs are here.
> 
> Warning for vore mention (jokes only)

He should have prepared himself for this. It’s not like this is the first time he’s found her dead. It’s happened three other times. 

 

The last time (the better time) he was accompanied by Lup herself in her ‘Ghostly Form’ to loot goods off her corpse. She wanted her IPRE issued satchel back. Not for the bag itself-- they all got their respective bags restitched with their new bodies in their recorded states-- but for the contents. She was not too worried about her field notes, it wasn’t a particularly interesting plane. Or the rations, the stone of farspeech, the assortment of loose jewelry and beads lining the bottom. No, Lup’s main motivation was to retrieve her water pistol.

 

At that point only two planes had the concept of a water gun (not including their home plane). She made the mistake of not taking one for herself the first plane they encountered and vowed that the next plane with commercially sold toy water guns she’d buy the best.

 

Cycle 69 was the lucky number. A self proclaimed “superstore” had an entire section dedicated to toys and gizmos. And in one of it’s aisles sat the Zapfire SPLASHMOUTH, a water pistol like no other. 

 

Heavy enough to not feel cheap. A stream with high long distance accuracy. Decorated with flame stickers embellishing the sides and skulls on the grip as if it was made for her. Possibly the best part was that it was enchanted to refill itself so that she never had to pause in battle. The inscription on the side didn't lie. When it came to water blasters it truly was Nerf or Nothing.

 

And then of course, everyone minus Davenport went out to get one or two of their own. And of course they staged regular StarBLASTER Water Wars. And of  _ course _ Taako won via transmuting water to fall onto everyone else. And _ no _ , it  _ wasn't  _ cheating. Because if Lup’s gun can refill itself and Capn’ uses illusions then transmutation is fair game!

 

She was so damn happy that the cave-in didn't break her water gun. 

 

Barry’s voice crackles out again, bringing him into the present “The Raven Queen has domain over death here.” Right. He asked him that before his thoughts were derailed. He hums aloud as thanks. Time to get back on track.

 

It’s not like the Raven Queen had enough power in this plane that she could tell Lup was a lich. With their modified version of the ceremony, not even other liches could tell. Besides, there wasn’t any feathers on the ground and her followers had a tendency to shed. 

 

“No signs of _ her _ involvement, we can count that out… uh, give me a moment. I want to walk this through.”

 

There is one way into this side tunnel of a larger chamber and Taako has his back to it. Forwards at the end is a tightly sealed vault door with a generous amount of blood on it. And two steps from the vault is Lup, sitting upright against the wall and obviously poisoned. The veins on her exposed skin are black and exaggerated, a tell-tale sign of silverpoint. (Due to multiple incidents, all seven of them picked up the habit of staying familiar with a new planes toxins.) Lup’s not an idiot, she wouldn't ingest or touch it willingly. Someone else did this to her and his money’s on that Rockseeker. And sure, every family has a few bad apples, but someone from Merle’s family that she felt comfortable enough to travel with? Nah, they probably weren't murderous to start. They were most likely affected by the craveability of the light because she was  _ definitely _ carrying her fire gauntlet. There’s enough evidence pointing to it now that he can say she had it with confidence.

 

So, with this scene he has an idea of what happened: Merle’s cousin, or whoever, said they knew about this vault. Lup deemed it good enough to A) store her gauntlet and B) keep it away from the public, so she went with them. Once they reached the vault the craveability became too much for her travel buddy and they poisoned her (the how isn’t important to him). She dies. Lich comes out…. Or, her lich-y self  _ should _ have come out.

 

That’s where he’s stumped. There should be another-- dwarven and vaguely familiar-- body here. There’s zero evidence of her doing anything after dying. No dead dwarf, no “whoops -L” written in her own blood on the wall, no signs of  _ Lup _ . Besides the body, but that’s nothing. It’s practically a coat she wears at this point. 

 

Speaking of which, leaving her robe+coat behind? Her bing-bong umbrella? What stopped her from wizzing up home to nab him or Barry or anyone to grab her shit?

 

_ Fuck.  _ He has her body but where is  _ she _ ?

 

Fight. Death. Lich. Gone. How could a  _ lich _ disappear without a trace? She's made of pure  _ magic _ at that point and--

 

His eyes stick to her umbrastaff.

 

_ No. _

“ _ No. _ ” She fucking  _ didn’t. _

 

Barry was saying something but he couldn’t listen to that right now. This required full attention.

 

He went through it again: In her lich form she is made of magic. She was killed. Her  _ FUCKING  _ UMBRELLA  _ eats _ the magic items of defeated, ie killed, magic users. She was killed. She was  _ defeated _ .

 

Arcana check.

...

 

_ That stupid fucking umbrella. _

 

\---

 

Barry Bluejeans sits in the back of a caravan full of travelers as nervous as he is. But while Barry is worried about the safety of two of his favorite people, his traveling companions are worried about  _him_. It's probably because he paid the driver a ridiculous amount of gold to get him a days travel as fast as possible. And he's talking to someone in a cave. And that person found the woman (Lup?) they were looking for dead. And instead of despair or grief, Bluejeans first reaction was to ask if his friend felt a necromantic presence. But while the cart around him was thoroughly intimidated, Barry himself was focused solely on the stone in his hands.

 

For the past minute Taako’s been muttering softly to himself, and Barry’s let him think without interrupting. Because interruptions mean distraction, and _ that  _ would mean more time wasted that could be used to figure out what in the _ gods given planes _ happened to Lup. So he was trying to keep his cool and wait. 

 

Or well, he was until Taako gave a loud and distinct “No” followed by shuffling. Now  _ that _ ? Was pretty fucking anxiety inducing.

 

“What?? What happened to her?” Nothing. “Are you okay? Taako??” No response. More shuffle. 

 

Without bothering to glance up he gives a nod and half-wave to the perturbed caravan before pushing his way out the back of the moving vehicle and dropping onto the back of a moving horse that wasn’t there a moment ago.

 

He hears a huff from his stone and the sound of fabric shifting. He directs his steed, Starblaster: The Second One (SB2 for short), around the caravan, ignores the shouts of alarm and confusion from said caravan, and wills SB2 to move as fast as she can while cranking up the sound on his stone. He hears a crack. And then wind. And then magic sparkling. He opens his mouth to ask  _ again _ if Taako’s alright but is cut short by laughter. With the wind coming from the stone and the air that's already blowing around his ears it’s hard to tell its mood, but it’s definitely from Taako.

 

A moment later the laughter quiets, “You sure goofed that design, huh?” The roaring wind dies down and Barry can hear laughing again. His breath catches. It’s not Taako’s this time. SB2 slows to a trot and now Barry’s laughing too. He can _hear_ her. Taako’s laugh must have been the same way. Relieved.

 

“Guess we both gotta share the KrEbStAr now.” It not as loud as Taako’s, but her voice is unmistakable.

 

“ _ Oh, _ no.” Taako starts, an audible grin in his words “You obviously have a thing for, for something that can devour you. WhicH-GGKT--” A crackle of magic and a  _ whoosh _ is picked up by the stone. The realization of where Lup was along the glaringly obvious design flaw of her staff hits him the same time as Taako’s vore set-up. SB2 halts in place and he still can barely hold onto her mane to stop himself from falling down. 

 

Tears are streaming down his face and he hears Lup speak again, voice growing louder as she moves closer to Taako’s stone. “HEY BABE! It’s good to hear you but please remember to take a breath.” her voice turns from the stone “Taako, stop trying to kill my boyfriend using your horrible sense of humor.”

 

“Sorry sis, I thought you’d want him out of the picture since you’ve taken on a new vore daddy--” the rest is drowned out by Lup’s yelling and Taako’s laughter.

 

Barry falls off his horse. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my heart every single member of the Starblaster crew has a phantom steed except Magnus who only dabbled in level one Conjuration. Instead of taking the magic route Magnus made himself familiar with training and handling a lot of animals on a lot of different planes. Animal Proficiency.
> 
> Also Davenport was the first to make his steed. It was pure white with milky eyes and its hair looks like it's made of physical bonds. He named his Starblaster. 
> 
> Barry’s looks like an average horse and everyone was almost impressed at his strength of willpower until they saw the blue hooves. He has a brand to keep! He didn't think of a name so when asked on the spot said “Starblaster” moments after Davenport already said his name. Magnus added “colon, the second one” and it stuck. 
> 
> Aaaand that’s it I’m cutting my phantom steed headcanons short here because I’ve punished you all enough by writing the word vore twice…. thrice.

**Author's Note:**

> Its just me myself and I writing this so if you notice any mistakes/have any pointers I'd be happy to hear them! I haven't written in forever and I'm hoping this can get me back in the swing of things.


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